Galline e maiali
A Jim Clark piaceva osservare che gli esseri umani, quando corrono dei rischi, si dividono in due grandi gruppi, i maiali e le galline.
"La differenza tra questi due tipi di persone", diceva "è la stessa che c'è tra il maiale e la gallina in una frittata a base di prosciutto. La gallina è coinvolta, per il maiale è questione di vita o di morte. Se hai intenzione di fare qualcosa che valga davvero la pena, hai bisogno di un sacco di maiali".
da The New New Thing di Michael Lewis
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16.12.02  |
AAA Cercasi
Cercasi Human Resources Manager For Professional High School (bidello per istituto tecnico).
Al candidato sono richieste competenze pregresse nel campo del Corridor Controlling, della Bathrooms Bonification e della Food and Drugs Administration. Si richiede conoscenza approfondita della stampa specialistica (Gazzetta dello Sport, Stadio, Cronaca Vera ecc.)
Al ruolo primario si aggiunge anche l'incarico di Sales Manager per il settore Bakery and Soft Drinks (vendita schiacciatine e sprait).
Remunerazione base con integrazione di Stock option (possibilità di andarsi a fare un cognachino al bar se il casino lo permette).
Sono requisiti preferenziali la conoscenza delle lingue magrebine e il porto d'armi.
Inviare curriculum via fax a: Scuola Superiore Vendite Per Corrispondenza John Lennon. E' gradito il camice nero.
Dinamica societa' che sviluppa ambienti integrati per l'e-commerce mobility cerca KEY&DOORS MANAGER (portiere) per il suo dipartimento Logistic. Il K&DM lavorera' in staff con il CAR LAYOUT ADVISOR (posteggiatore) e rispondera' direttamente al CONDOMINIUM ADMINISTRATOR. Time consumers astenersi!
Azienda in forte crescita con data center nell'India centrale cerca WORKFORCE INTEGRATION MANAGER (guardiano dei programmatori extracomunitari) con provata esperienza di valorizzazione delle risorse umane. E' richiesta esperienza nell'uso di metodologie Stick and Carrot (bastone e carota) e/o Master in SEC (Sistemi di Elusione Contributiva). Inviare curriculum vergato a mano.
Societa' assistenza telefonica clienti cerca un EXCUSE DIVERSIFICATION MANAGER (contaballe) per il suo Call Center, con spiccate attitudini alle customer-relationships.
Costituiscono titolo preferenziale:
- esperienza settore assicurativo;
- falsa laurea in psicologia;
- conoscenza perfetta dell'Amministratore Delegato.
Azienda leader nel settore sistemi operativi cerca SENIOR ERROR CODER.
Il candidato SEC lavorera' a stretto contatto con la Direzione Marketing e il dipartimento Assistenza Tecnica per la pianificazione degli ECP (errori casuali e perniciosi). E' richiesta la conoscenza (preferibilmente approssimativa) dei sistemi RUTT I e RUTT O-O (service gran-pack III), del linguaggio SCROLLaVI e del protocollo ARIGHE.diI.
Retribuzione connessa alle vendite della prossima versione del software!
Primario internet-cafe' cerca Cheese Distribution Leader (CDL).
Il candidato ideale, opera in stretta collaborazione con lo SCD (spaghetti cooking departement) per cospargere i piatti con il grana. Costituisce fondamentale prerequisito esperienza precedente nel settore della semina o distribuzione di mangime ai piccioni nel parco. Inviare curriculum vergato a mano (tremante).
Principale operatore del settore telecomunicazioni cerca un Main Competitor Sputtaner (MCS). L'MCS avvicina i clienti della concorrenza e parla male dei loro attuali fornitori. Il candidato ideale ha esperienze di call center, spionaggio industriale e/o vendita del Colosseo. Costituisce titolo preferenziale la disponibilita' al suicidio se scoperti.
da Thebisness.com
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12.12.02 |
Ancora da American Beauty
A FAST-FOOD RESTAURANT called SMILEY'S.
The logo on the sign features a yellow SMILEY-FACE with a red tongue
licking its smiling lips. Underneath it, plastic letters
spell out: NOW TAKING APPLICATIONS.
Lester's face suddenly takes on a far-away expression.
INT. SMILEY'S - MOMENT LATER
A slightly overweight TEENAGE GIRL mans the counter; behind
her, a couple of slow-moving teenagers work... vaguely. They
all wear bright yellow uniforms and white BASEBALL CAPS which
feature the SMILEY'S logo. Lester enters, straightening his
tie, and crosses to the counter.
COUNTER GIRL
(zombie like)
Smile, you're at Smiley's Would
you like to try our new bacon and
egg fajita, just a dollar twenty-
nine for a limited time only?
LESTER
Actually, I'd like to fill out an
application.
She stares at him, confused By his age and attire.
COUNTER GIRL
There's not jobs for manager, it's
just for counter.
LESTER
Good. I'm looking for the least
possible amount of responsibility.
INT. SMILEY'S - LATER
LESTER sits at a booth with the MANAGER, a greasy kid wearing
a white short sleeve shirt and a tie covered with the Smiley's
logo. He looks over Lester's application baffled.
MANAGER
I don't think you'd fit in here.
LESTER
I have fast food experience.
MANAGER
Yes, like twenty years ago.
LESTER
Well, I'm sure there have been
amazing technological advancements
in the industry, but... surely you
have some sort of training process.
It seems unfair to presume I won't
be able to learn.
The Manger frowns, unconvinced.
LESTER (cont'd)
Should you choose not to hire me,
I have to assume it's because of my
age, which I can only interpret as
discrimination and would have to
take up with my attorney.
The Manager sighs and runs an hand through his greasy hair,
wondering what he could possibly have done to deserve this.
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9.12.02 |
The beauty of American Beauty
INT. OFFICE BUILDING - DAY
CLOSE on a COMPUTER MONITOR: We're in some sort of virtual-
reality post-apocalyptic environment. Hideous armed MUTANTS
approach from all angles, shooting at us. One by one, they're
blown away, their heads EXPLODING in geysers of BLOOD.
LESTER (O.C.)
Take that, alien bitches!
Lester sits in his cubicle at work, glued to his monitor,
feverishly handling a JOYSTICK.
LESTER (cont'd)
Woo-hoo!
From the surrounding cubicles, his co-workers watch blankly.
INT. BRAD'S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER
BRAD is seated behind his desk, reading a document. LESTER
sits across from him, smiling.
BRAD
(reads)
...my job consists of basically
masking my contempt for the
assholes in charge, and, at least
once a day, retiring to the men's
room so I can jerk off while I
fantasize about a life that doesn't
so closely resemble hell.
(looks up at Lester)
Well, you obviously have no
interest in saving yourself.
LESTER
(laughs)
I've spent fourteen years being a
whore for the advertising industry.
The only way I could save myself
now is to start firebombing.
BRAD
Whatever. Management wants you
gone by the end of the day.
LESTER
Whoa. What kind of severance
package is "management" prepared to
give me? Considering the
information I have about our
editorial director buying pussy
with company money.
A beat.
LESTER (cont'd)
Which I'm sure would interest the
I.R.S., since, technically, it does
constitute fraud. And some of our
advertisers and rival publications
might like to know about it as
well. Not to mention Craig's wife.
A beat. BRAD sighs.
BRAD
What do you want?
LESTER
One year's salary, with continued
benefits.
BRAD
That's not going to happen.
LESTER
What if I throw in a little sexual
harassment charge?
BRAD LAUGHS.
BRAD
Against who?
LESTER
Against you.
BRAD stops LAUGHING.
LESTER (cont'd)
Can you prove you didn't offer to
save my job if I'd let you blow me?
BRAD leans BACK IN his chair, studying Lester.
BRAD
Man. You are one twisted fuck.
LESTER
(standing)
Nope. Just an ordinary guy with
nothing to lose.
LESTER starts toward the door, then:
LESTER (cont'd)
I hope you and I can still be
friends, Brad. And even though you
didn't save my job...
(smiling)
You can still blow me, asshole.
And He exits.
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6.12.02 |
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